A Very Keen Brighton Sewing Machine Rep circa 1878

The following tale appeared in the Cliftonville and Hove Mercury of 13 September 1878, as though it were just an ordinary newspaper report. It seems clear though, that the anonymous author, the paper’s ‘Brighton Representative’ was having a little Victorian fun, but the irony only masks a real social problem.

It concerns the death of a sewing machine canvasser through persecuting a gentleman to buy a machine. ‘Jones,’ states the Brighton Representative rather pompously, ‘told us himself so he must answer to the truth.’

It seemed that some time previously, Jones was persecuted almost to death by a sewing machine agent who wouldn’t give up trying to sell him a machine. In desperation, Jones built himself a diving bell and went out to sea for 400 miles, then descended 200 miles into the ocean to try to get some peace. But no such luck. The moment his feet hit the ocean floor, he saw the sewing machine man coming down in his diver’s equipment and carrying with him a sewing machine shuttle feed and sixty testimonials about the excellence of his sewing machines.

Immediately, Jones rose to the surface and prepared to sail home, but as the ship’s anchor was hauled over the side, it dropped and upset the cook’s caboose and scattered live coals into the powder machine which caused an horrific explosion. This blew Jones 200 miles up in the air. As he began to descend, he again encountered the sewing machine man, this time in a balloon, with ‘six bucketsful of samples of the lockstitch and a model of the reversible hammer.’

Eventually Jones sailed home but as he approached the dock, again he saw the sewing machine man on the landing stage. Jones persuaded the captain to tell the man he’d died of yellow fever on the voyage. This news so saddened the agent that he seized a pistol and threatened to blow out his own brains. ‘The melancholy event,’ says the paper, ‘executed great admiration amongst all who witnessed it’, but Jones said, ‘’Pon honour, I will never encourage a sewing machine man again.’

After reading such an amusing yet heartfelt send-up, one can’t help drawing analogies with modern-day sales techniques. Perhaps the author should be commended for seeing the humorous side of high-pressure salesmanship. Today, of course, we try to combat such coercion by the implementation of a ‘cooling off’ period.